JOHN
NEWTON’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF LETTERS TO A FRIEND.
Service to
LETTER X.
John Newton’s Conversion
DEAR SIR,
My connections
with sea-affairs have often led me to think that the varieties observable in
Christian experience may be properly illustrated from the circumstances of a
voyage. Imagine to yourself a number of vessels, at different times, and from
different places, bound to the same port. There are some things in which all
these would agree: the compass, the port in view, the general rules of
navigation, both as to the management of the vessel, and determining their
astronomical .observation, would be the same in all. In other respects they
would differ. Perhaps no two of them would meet with the same distribution of
winds and weather. Some we see set out with a prosperous gale, and, when they
almost think their passage secured, they are checked by adverse blasts; and,
after enduring much hardship and danger, and frequent expectations of
shipwreck, they just escape, and reach the desired haven. Others meet the
greatest difficulties at first; they put forth in a storm, and are often beaten
back; at length their voyage proves favourable, and they enter the port with a
rich and abundant entrance. Some are hard beset with cruisers and enemies, and
obliged to fight their way through. Others meet with little remarkable in their
passage.
Is
it not thus in the spiritual life? All true believers are to walk by the same
rule, and mind the same thing. (Phil. iii. 16.) The word of God is their
compass, Jesus is both their polar star and their righteousness. They are one
body, animated by one Spirit; yet their experience, formed upon these common
principles, is far from uniform. The Lord, in His first call, has a regard to
the situation, temper, talents of each, and to the particular services or
trials for which He has appointed them. Though all are exercised at times, yet some
pass through the voyage of life much more smoothly than others. But He
"who walks upon the wings of the wind, and measures the waters in the
hollow of His hand," will not suffer any of whom He has once taken charge
to perish in the storms, though, for a. season, many of them are ready to give
up all hopes.
We
must not, therefore, make the experience of others in all respects a rule to
ourselves, nor our own a rule to others. Yet these are common mistakes, and productive
of many more. As to myself, every part of my case has been extraordinary. I
have hardly met a single instance resembling it. Few, very few, have been
recovered from such a dreadful state; and the few that have been thus favoured,
have generally passed through the most severe convictions; and after the Lord
has given them peace, their future lives have been usually more zealous,
bright, and exemplary than common. Now, as, on the one hand, my convictions
were very moderate, and far below what might have been expected, from the
dreadful review I had to make; so, on the other, my first beginnings, in a
religious course, were as faint as can be well imagined. Who would not expect
to hear, that after such a wonderful, unhoped-for deliverance as I had received,
and after my eyes were in some measure enlightened to see things aright, I
should immediately cleave to the Lord and His ways with full purpose of heart,
and consult no more with flesh and blood? But, alas! it was far otherwise with
me. I had learned to pray, I set some value upon the word of God, and was no
longer a libertine, but my soul still cleaved to the dust. Soon after my
departure from L--- I began to intermit and grow slack in waiting upon the
Lord; I grew vain and trifling in my conversation; and though my heart smote me
often (Matt. xii. 36), yet my armour was gone, and I declined fast; and by the
time we arrived at Guinea I seemed to have forgot all the Lord's mercies, and
my own engagements, and was (profaneness excepted) almost as bad as before.
The enemy prepared a train of temptations, and I became his easy prey; and for
about a month he lulled me asleep in a course of evil, of which a few months
before I could not have supposed myself any longer capable. How much propriety
is there in the apostle's advice, "Take heed lest any of you be hardened
through the deceitfulness of sin."
Oh!
who can be sufficiently upon their guard? Sin first deceives, and then it
hardens. I was now fast bound in chains. I had little desire, and no power at
all to recover myself. I could not but at times reflect how it was with me; but
if I attempted to struggle with it, it was in vain. I was just like Samson when
he said, "I will go forth and shake myself as at other times," but he
found himself helpless in the hands of his enemies.
By
the remembrance of this interval the Lord has often instructed me since what a
poor creature I am in myself, incapable of standing a single hour without
continual fresh supplies of strength and grace from the fountain-head.
John
Newton plans to purchase slaves
At
length the Lord, whose mercies are infinite, interposed in my behalf. My
business, in this voyage, while upon the coast, was to sail from place to place
in the long-boat, to purchase slaves. The ship was at Sierra Leone, and I
then at the Plantanes, the scene of my former captivity. where everything I saw
might seem to remind me of my ingratitude. I was in easy circumstances, courted
by those who formerly despised me. The lime trees I had planted were growing
tall, and promised fruit the following year, against which time I had
expectations of returning with a ship of my own.
But
none of these things affected me till, as I have said, the Lord again
interposed to save me. He visited me with a violent fever, which broke the
fatal chain, and once more brought me to myself. But, oh, what a prospect! I
thought myself now summoned away. My past dangers and deliverances, my earnest
prayers in the time of trouble, my solemn vows before the Lord at His table,
and my ungrateful returns for all His goodness, were all present to my mind at
once. Then I began to wish that the Lord had suffered me to sink into the ocean
when I first besought His mercy.
John
Newton experiences saving faith
For a
little while I concluded the door of hope to be quite shut; but this continued
not long. Weak, and almost delirious, I arose from my bed, and crept to a
retired part of the island; and here I found a renewed liberty to pray. I durst
make no more resolves, but cast myself before the Lord, to do with me as He
should please. I do not remember that any particular text or remarkable
discovery was presented to my mind, but in general I was enabled to hope and
believe in a crucified Saviour.
The
burden was removed from my conscience, and not only my peace, but my health was
restored; I cannot say instantaneously, but I recovered from that hour, and so
fast, that when I returned to the ship, two days afterwards, I was perfectly
well before I got on board. And from that time, I trust, I have been delivered
from the power and dominion of sin; though, as to the effects and conflicts of
sin dwelling in me, I still "groan, being burthened."
I
now began again to wait upon the Lord, and though I have often grieved His Spirit,
and foolishly wandered from Him since (when, alas! shall I be more wise?) yet
His powerful grace has hitherto preserved me from such black declensions as
this I have last recorded; and I humbly trust, in His mercy and promises, that
He will be my guide and guard to the end.
My
leisure hours in this voyage were chiefly employed in learning the Latin
language, which I had now entirely forgot. This desire took place from an
imitation I had seen of one of Horace's Odes in a magazine. I began the attempt under the greatest disadvantages
possible; for I pitched upon a poet, perhaps the most difficult of the poets,
even Horace himself, for my first book. I had picked up an old English
translation of him, which, with Oastalio's Latin Bible, were all my helps. I
forgot a dictionary, but I would not therefore give up my purpose. I had the
edition in tlSUm lJelphini, and by comparing the Odes with the
interpretation, and tracing the words, I could understand from one place to
another, by the index, with the assistance I could get from the Latin Bible. In
this way, by dint of hard industry, often waking when I might have slept, I
made some progress before I returned, and not only understood the sense and
meaning of many odes, and some of the epistles, but began to relish the
beauties of the composition, and acquired a spice of what Mr. Law calls
'classical enthusiasm.' And, indeed, by this means I had Horace more ad
1tnguem than some who are masters of the Latin tongue; for my helps were so
few, that I generally had the passage fixed in my memory before I could fully
understand its meaning.
My
business in the long-boat, during the eight months we were upon the coast,
exposed me to innumerable dangers and perils-from burning suns and chilling
dews, winds, rains, and thunder storms in the open boat; and on shore, from
long journeys through the woods, and the temper of the natives, who are, in
many places, cruel, treacherous, and watching opportunities for mischief.
Several boats in the same time were cut off, several white men poisoned, and
from my own boat I buried six or seven with fevers. When going on shore, or
returning from it in their little canoes, I have been more than once or twice
overset by the violence of the surf or breach of the sea, and brought to land
half dead, for I could not swim. .An account of such escapes as I still
remember would swell to several sheets, and many more I have, perhaps,
forgotten. I shall only select one instance, as a specimen of that wonderful
Providence which watched over me for good, and which, I doubt not, you will
think worthy of notice.
Providential
care – another man sent in his place and drowns
When
our trade was finished, and we were near sailing to the West Indies, the only
remaining service I had to perform in the boat was to assist in bringing the
wood and water from the shore. We were then at Rio Sestors. I used to go into
the river in the afternoon with the sea breeze, procure my loading in the
evening, and return on board in the morning with the land-wind. Several of
these little voyages I had made, but the boat was grown old, and almost unfit
for use. This service likewise was almost completed. One day, having dined on
board, I was preparing to return to the river as formerly. I had taken leave of
the captain, received his orders, was ready in the boat, and just going to put
off, as we term it; that is, to let go our ropes, and sail from the ship. In
that instant the captain came up from the cabin, and called me on board again.
I went, expecting further orders; but he said he had took it in his head (as
he phrased it) that I should remain that day in the ship, and accordingly
ordered another man to go in my room. I was surprised at this, as the boat had
never been sent away without me before, and asked him the reason. He could give
me no reason, but, as above, that so he would have it. Accordingly the boat
went without me, but returned no more. She sunk that night in the river, and
the person who had supplied my place was drowned.
I was
much struck when we received news of the event the next morning. The captain
himself, though quite a stranger to religion, so far as to deny a particular
Providence, could not help being affected; but he declared that he had no other
reason for countermanding me at that time, but that it came suddenly into his
mind to detain me.
I
wonder I omitted this in my eight letters, as I have always thought it one of
the most extraordinary circumstances in my life.
I
am, dear Sir,
Your obliged Servant.