JOHN
NEWTON’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF LETTERS TO A FRIEND.
Service to
Takes on
board former companion
Sails for
St.Christopher
Receives
encouragement from a Christian captain
Seizure forces
Mary is
sick for 11 months (1755)
Mary is
healed by the power of God when all hope was gone
LETTER XIII
John Newton’s
DEAR SIR,
My third voyage was shorter and less perplexed than
either of the former.
Takes
on board former companion
Before
I sailed I met with a young man who had formerly been a midshipman, and my
intimate companion on board the Harwich. He was, at the time I first
knew him, a sober youth, but I found too much success in my unhappy attempts to
infect him with libertine principles. When we met at L---, our acquaintance
renewed upon the ground of our former intimacy. He had good sense, and had read
many books. Our conversation frequently turned upon religion, and I was very
desirous to repair the mischief I had done him. I gave him a plain account of
the manner and reason of my change, and used every argument to persuade him to
relinquish his infidel schemes; and when I sometimes pressed him so close that
he had no other reply to make, he would remind me that I was the very first
person who had given him an idea of his liberty. This occasioned me many
mournful reflections.
He
was then going master to
My
intention in this step was better than my judgment, and I had frequent reason
to repent it. He was exceedingly profane, and grew worse and worse. I saw in
him a most lively picture of what I had once been, but it was very inconvenient
to have it always before my eyes.
Besides, he was not only deaf to my remonstrances himself, but laboured
all he could to counteract my influence upon others. His spirit and passions
were likewise exceeding high, so that it required all my prudence and authority
to hold him in any degree of restraint. He was as a sharp thorn in my side for
some time, but at length I had an opportunity upon the coast of buying a small
vessel, which I supplied with a cargo from my own, and gave him the command,
and sent him away to trade on the ship's account. When we parted I repeated and
enforced my best advice. I believe his friendship and regard was as great as
could be expected, where principles were so diametrically opposite. He seemed
greatly affected when I left him, but my words had no weight with him. When he
found himself at liberty from under my eye he gave full vent to every
appetite, and his violent irregularities, joined to the heat of the climate,
soon threw him into a malignant fever, which carried him off in a few days. He
died convinced, but unchanged.
The
account I had from those who were with him was dreadful; his rage and despair
struck them all with horror, and he pronounced his own fatal doom before he
expired without any appearance that he either hoped, or asked for mercy. I
thought this awful contrast might not be improper to give you as a stronger
view of the distinguishing goodness of God to me, the chief of sinners.
Sails
for St.Christopher
I left the
coast in about four months, and sailed for St. Christopher. Hitherto I had
enjoyed a perfect state of health, equally in every climate, for several years;
but upon this passage I was visited with a fever, which gave me a very near
prospect of eternity. I have obtained liberty to enclose you three or four
letters, which will more clearly illustrate the state and measure of my
experience at different times than anything I can say at present. One of them,
you will find, was written at this period, when I could hardly hold a pen, and
had some reason to believe I should write no more. I had not that full assurance which is so
desirable at a time when flesh and heart fail; but my hopes were greater than
my fears, and I felt a silent composure of spirit, which enabled me to wait the
event without much anxiety. My trust, though weak in degree, was alone fixed
upon the Lord Jesus Christ; and those words, "He is able to save to the
uttermost" (Heb. vii. 25), gave me great relief.
I
was for a while troubled with a very singular thought. Whether it was a
temptation, or that the fever disordered my faculties, I cannot say; but I
seemed not so much afraid of wrath and punishment, as of being lost and
overlooked amidst the myriads that are continually entering the unseen world.
"What is my soul," thought I, "amongst such an innumerable
multitude of beings 1" And this troubled me greatly. "Perhaps the
Lord will take no notice of me."
I
was perplexed thus for some time, but at last a text of Scripture, very
apposite to the case, occurred to my mind, and put an end to the doubt:
"The Lord knoweth them that are His." (2 Tim. ii. 19.) In about ten
days, beyond the hopes of those about me, I began to amend, and, by the time of
our arrival in the West Indies, I was perfectly recovered. I hope this
visitation was made useful to me.
Receives
encouragement from a Christian captain
Thus
far, that is, for about the space of six years, the Lord was pleased to lead me
in a secret way. I had learnt something of the evil of my heart; I had read the
Bible over and over, with several good books, and had a general view of the
gospel truth. But my conceptions were, in many respects, confused; not having,
in all this time, met with one acquaintance who could assist my inquiries. But
upon my arrival at St. Christopher's, this voyage, I found a captain of a ship
from London, whose conversation was greatly helpful to me. He was, and is, a
member of Mr. B---r's church, a man of experience in the things of God, and of
a lively, communicative turn. We discovered each other by some casual
expressions in mixed company, and soon became (so far as business would
permit) inseparable. For near a month we spent every evening together on board
each other's ship alternately, and often prolonged our visits till towards
day-break. I was all ears; and what was better, he not only informed my understanding,
but his discourse inflamed my heart. He
encouraged me to open my mouth in social prayer; he taught me the advantage of
Christian converse; he put me upon an attempt to make my profession more
public, and to venture to speak for God. From him, or rather from the Lord, by
his means, I received an increase of knowledge; my conceptions became clearer
and more evangelical, and.1 was delivered from a fear which had long troubled
me, the fear of relapsing into my former apostasy. But now I began to
understand my security to be, not by my own power and holiness, but by the
mighty power and promise of God, through faith in an unchangeable Saviour. (1
Peter i. 2-4.) He likewise gave me a general view of the state of religion,
with the errors and controversies of the times (things to which I had been
entirely a stranger), and finally directed me where to apply in
Seizure
forces
My
stay at home was intended to be but short, and by the beginning of November I
was again ready for the sea, but the Lord saw fit to overrule my design. During
the time I was engaged in the slave trade I never had the least scruple as to
its lawfulness. I was upon the whole satisfied with it as the appointment
In
this view I had often petitioned in my prayers that the Lord (in His own time)
would be pleased to fix me in a more humane calling, and (if it might be) place
me where I might have more frequent converse with His people, and be freed from
those long separations from home which very often were hard to bear. My prayers
were now answered, though in a way I little expected, I now experienced another
sudden, unforeseen change of life. I was within two days of sailing, and to all
appearance in good health as usual; but in the afternoon, as I was sitting with
Mrs. N---, drinking tea by ourselves, and talking over past events, I
was in a moment seized with a fit, which deprived me of sense and motion, and
left me no other sign of life than breathing: I suppose it was of the
apoplectic kind. It lasted about an hour, and when I recovered it left a pain
and dizziness in my head, which continued with such symptoms as induced the
physicians to judge it would not be safe or prudent for me to proceed on the
voyage.
Accordingly,
by the advice of my friend to whom the ship belonged, I resigned the command
the day before she sailed, and thus I was unexpectedly called from that service,
and freed from a share of the future consequences of that voyage, which proved
extremely calamitous. The person who went in my room, most of the officers, and
many of the crew, died, and the vessel was brought home with great difficulty.
Mary
is sick for 11 months (1755)
As I
was now disengaged from business I left L--, and spent most of the following
year in
"Dreadful post of
observation, Darker every hour."
Mary
is healed by the power of God when all hope was gone
It was
not till after my settlement in my present station that the Lord was pleased to
restore her by His own hand when all hopes from ordinary means were at an
end. But before this took place I have
some other particulars to mention, which must be the subject of the following
sheet, which I hope will be the last on this subject from
Your affectionate Servant.