Chapter
Nine:
THE
TURNAROUND: RUNNING TOWARDS THE PRIZE.
'Brethren, I count not myself to have
apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind,
and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark
for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.' (Philippians
3:13-14)
In order to move up to the place
of worship in the anointing we must come to a point where we are turned around. It is important that we look at this
turnaround experience before dealing with the anointing. The word ministry in scripture means service,
and everybody in the body of Christ is called to serve one another. In this sense we are all ministers running
towards the goal. My ministry involves
teaching and preaching. Others have
different ministries, but every ministry is necessary to fulfil the needs of
the body of Christ.
When ministries begin there is
usually the desire to serve the Lord with our lives, but there are other
desires that seek to control our thinking.
In my case there was the desire to build up a successful ministry, and
the desire to be a successful preacher.
These desires had very good results.
The desire to succeed in ministry motivated me to be involved in
overseas missions. The desire to succeed
in preaching motivated me to study the scriptures. But these desires did not make me a
worshipper. In fact self was still at
the centre even though my desires were good and leading me in the right
direction. This is why it is necessary
for every minister of the gospel who desires to worship to have a turnaround
experience at some point in his or her ministry.
Let me explain this in an
illustration. I have looked at my
ministry through the analogy of running a race.
The word success is used in my story, but this can be on a low
level. The success we seek in service
can be appreciation from others. The
turnaround will turn us away from seeking to fulfil our own desires in ministry
and turn us towards the goal of worshipping with joy. The true worshipper seeks the glory of God in
every action. Ministry is an act of worship
when it is directed towards the goal of 'winning Christ'. The ministry of serving one another must
always be born out of love for Christ.
When I began to run in the
ministry there was much encouragement. I
enjoyed being praised, and the race was exciting. There were obstacles, but I was strong and I
was able to push many obstacles out of the way.
I was daring, willing to endure hardship, and able to do things in faith
that others were hesitant to do. I ran
towards the goal of a successful ministry.
At this stage in my ministry the words ‘forgetting those things that are
behind’ meant not giving my heart to the things of the world. I gave my life to serving the Lord
Some years after beginning to run
this race, I found that it got harder because I was not allowed to run
freely. I was held back all the
time. I knew that I was strong and that
I could achieve many things in the ministry if I could be allowed to run. What was it that was holding me back? It was the word of God. My love for the scriptures and my desire for
a successful ministry were in many ways incompatible. Let me explain. In order to build up a successful ministry I
needed to try and build up financial support.
It is a common fact that people do not back losers. I found it was necessary to speak of the
ministry as 'doing great things for God', and there is always a danger of
moving from boasting into exaggeration.
I learnt that there are many ways to tell a story. But as I studied the scriptures I was confronted
with the incompatibility of promoting ‘my ministry’ by the scripture: 'Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of
mind let each esteem other better than themselves.' Philippians 2:3
Although the word of God held me
back, I still had the desire to build up my ministry. I became critical of those running far ahead
of me with successful ministries because they did not appear to be held back by
the scriptures. I also blamed my lack of
success on other Christians because of their lack of support for ‘my ministry’. But it was God that was holding me back. I was still trying to run towards the goal of
a successful ministry, and it was getting more and more difficult to run. The surprising thing about this stage of the
race was that love for the scriptures did not produce love in my heart. Instead of being in unity with other
believers I found myself in conflict with others, even with those I had held to
be my close friends. I had to learn at
this stage that it is not standing for God's word that changes lives. We must allow the word of God to change us.
The race became a struggle, and
my outlook became very negative. I came
into a negative unity with those who agreed with my criticisms concerning the
way others were running the race. These
criticisms had another effect upon me; they took away my desire to move higher
in worship. I associated the anointing
with those who were not being held back by the word of God. This is a clever tactic of the enemy. I soon found out that unity built upon an agreement
over the things we are against does not last, and eventually I became a target
for criticism from those who I had previously been united with. Negative unity is not the unity of the
Spirit.
I was not envious of those who
were ahead in the race towards a successful ministry, but I must admit that I
did feel humiliated when I could not keep up with them. Then things got worse. I was not just being held back, I also had
great weights to carry that made it difficult just to keep on my feet. All I could do was watch as others ran past
me. Many people by this time did not
even consider me to be running in the race.
My ministry was finished in their eyes.
I always expected the Lord to remove the weights and let me loose so
that I would be able to run to my full ability.
But this never happened.
Eventually I felt completely broken, and I pleaded with the Lord to take
the weights away. Then the scripture
came into my mind: 'That the trial of your faith, being
much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tried with fire,
might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus
Christ:' (1 Peter
1:7)
This is when the Lord picked me
up and He turned me around. I was facing
a new direction. I still had the
weights, but I was no longer being held back by the word of God. The Lord gave me the command to run, but I
had no strength in myself anymore. I
told the Lord I cannot run, but He said '…My grace is sufficient for you: for
my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather
glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.'
(2 Corinthians 12:9)
I started to run, but it was
difficult. Sometimes there was no one to
encourage me. Many people thought I had
lost my way, but most of them just ignored me.
A small number did speak harshly against me, but I felt that I deserved
it because I had also been critical when I ran the road to success. It was hard when people looked down on me as
a novice in the ministry even though I had many years of experience in running
the race. Yet I found that I had a
greater love for people than ever before, and I had a respect for other
ministries that I did not have when I ran towards the goal of success. What gave me the greatest joy was the
awareness of the presence of the Lord working mightily with me.
I looked over my shoulder and saw
those running the other way. They ran
with great speed towards the sign of 'successful ministry', and they were being
highly honoured and praised. I told the
Lord that if He would help me then I could be successful like those who were
highly acclaimed in the ministry. The
Lord reminded me through His word, 'Forget those things which are behind you'. Now I can see a new finishing line
ahead. The sign at the end of the race
says 'the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus'. Every step is a challenge. There is usually no cheering crowd
watching. It can be a lonely race even
in the company of friends. But there is
great joy because the heart is filled with worship. How fast is no longer the question; the race
is not competitive. It is a race of
love. Every step is an opportunity for
worship, and the joy of fellowship with other believers is of greater value
than I ever knew before. No longer am I
looking to success but now I look to the One who led me to run towards the goal
of the greatest prize of all, 'to win Christ'.
Before Peter was turned around he
was competitive and ambitious. He was
one hundred per cent committed to the ministry having left his work as a
fisherman in order to follow Jesus. He
was part of a ministry team, but it was not the love of Christ that motivated
him. He sought to become great through a
successful ministry. Peter regarded
himself as better than all the other disciples when he said, 'Although
all shall be offended, yet not I’ (Mark 14:29). Peter's self confidence had to be broken
before he could fulfil the ministry the Lord had called him to do.
It was not just Peter; all the
disciples had ambitions for their ministries. At the Last Supper there was a contention over who would
be the greatest. The disciples had their
sights on success. They had very big
ambitions for their ministries, and they sought to use their relationship with
Jesus to gain a position where they would be highly esteemed. Satan was able to destroy Judas because Judas
did not love Christ. The disciples all
ran towards success, but only Judas followed Christ for gain. The other disciples were not like Judas. It was therefore impossible for Satan to
destroy them; he could only sift them.
Satan cannot do anything without God's permission. The Lord allowed Peter to be sifted in order
to remove the chaff of self glory from the wheat of love for Christ. 'And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold,
Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for you, that your faith
fail not: and when you are converted, strengthen thy brethren.' (Luke
22:31-32). The word converted in
Greek is epistrepho,
this word literally means ‘to turn towards’.
Why did Simon Peter need to be turned around? Up until this time he was running towards the
goal of a successful ministry. All the
disciples saw their relationship with Jesus as an opportunity to achieve greatness.
'And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be
accounted the greatest.' (Luke 22:24).
The Greek word 'mathetes' which
is translated disciple means 'a learner'.
The disciples were learning Christ.
They still had to learn the real nature of ministry. Jesus showed them by example at the Last
Supper that those who would be great in God's Kingdom must take the place of a
servant. All of Peter's ambitions
concerning a successful ministry died when Jesus was crucified. He thought everything was lost, but he was
learning to be like Jesus who came not to fulfil His own ambitions, but to obey
the Father's will.
If we are motivated by love for
Christ then we will look upon others as better than ourselves. If we are motivated by personal ambitions
then we will seek to use others to elevate ourselves. The road to a successful ministry is
dependent upon having good connections.
The minister who has been turned around seeks not a successful ministry,
but to please the Lord. Look at Peter
in prison sleeping, without concern.
Herod had already executed James the brother of John, and it was certain
that he would put Peter to death the same way. 'Peter therefore was
kept in prison: but prayer was made without ceasing of the church unto God for
him. And when Herod would have brought
him forth, the same night Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with
two chains: and the keepers before the door kept the prison.' (Acts 12:5-6).
The Lord had told Peter he would be in this position when he was
old. He was not yet old, and Peter
rested in the will of God. This was not
a man seeking to build up his own ministry.
He had no fear of death, and he had no ambitions of his own.
The higher call to worship can
only be answered by those who have been turnaround from running towards the
goal of self-glory, and are running towards the goal of winning Christ. Even though the disciples were running
towards the wrong goal, all but Judas desired Christ above all. They were truly His disciples but they needed
to be turned around. This happened
through the death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus. The cross put to death all their ambitions
for success and greatness. The
resurrection brought them into a new realm of worship. We are still the Lord's
people even when we run towards the goal of success, but worship is a higher
calling. Love for Christ is the only motive for worship.