Chapter Four

The Cause of these Various Temptations

"For the causes, I conceive they were principally

two; of which two also I was deeply convinced all the time this trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray to God to keep me from the temptations that were to come; for though, as I <,.an say in truth, my soul was much in prayer before this trial seized me, yet when I prayed only, or at the most, principally, for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh discoveries of his love in Christ, which I saw afterwards was not enough to do; I also should have prayed that the great God would keep me from the evil that was to come.

" Of this I was made deeply sensible by the praYQf of holy David, who, when he was under present mercy, yet prayed that God would hold him back from sin

and temptation to come; 'For then,' saith he, 'shall

I be upright, and then I shall be innocent from the

great tranl;lgression,' Psa. xix. 13. By this very word

was I galled and condemned quite through this long temptation.

"That was also another word that did much con­demn me for my folly in the neglect of this duty,-'Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need,' Heb. iv. 16. This I had not done, and therefore was thus suffered to sin and fall, according to what is written, 'Pray that ye enter not into temptation:' and truly this very thing is to th16 day of such weight and awe upon me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my knees unti] I entreat him for help and mercy against the tempta­tions that are to come; and I do beseech thee, reader,

that thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the

afllietions that for this thing I. did for days, and

months, and years, with sorrow undergo.

" And now to show you something of the advantages

that I also have gained by this temptation: and first,

by tllis I was made continually to possess in my soul a very wondel{ul sense both of the blessing and glory of God, and of his beloved Son. In the temptation that went before, my soul was perplexed with unbelief,

blasphemy, and hardness of heart, questions about the

being of God, Christ, the truth of the word, and cer.

tainty of the world to come: I say, then I was greatly

assaulted and tormented with atheism; but now the case was otherwise; now was God and Christ con­

tinually before my face, though not in a way of

comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. The glory of the holiness of God did at this time break me to pieces; and the tenderness and com­

passion of Christ did break me as on the wheel; for I

could not consider him but as a lost and rejected

Christ, the remembrance of which was as the con­tinual breaking of my bones.

"The Scriptures also were wonderful things unto

me: I saw that the truth and verity of them were

the keys of the kingdom .of heaven: those that the Scriptures favour, they must inherit bliss; but those

that they oppose and condemn must perish for ever­

more. Oh! this word, ']'01' the Scriptures cannot be

broken,' would rend the caul of my heart; and so

would that other,-' Whose sins ye remit, they are

remitted; but whose sins ye retain, they are retained.'

X ow I saw the apostles to be the elders of the city of

refuge, Josh. xx. 4. Those that they were to receive

in were received to life, but those that they shut

out were to .be slain by the avenger of blood.

Chapter Four

The Cause of these Various Temptations

"For the causes, I conceive they were principally

two; of which two also I was deeply convinced all the time this trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray to God to keep me from the temptations that were to come; for though, as I <,.an say in truth, my soul was much in prayer before this trial seized me, yet when I prayed only, or at the most, principally, for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh discoveries of his love in Christ, which I saw afterwards was not enough to do; I also should have prayed that the great God would keep me from the evil that was to come.

" Of this I was made deeply sensible by the praYQf of holy David, who, when he was under present mercy, yet prayed that God would hold him back from sin

and temptation to come; 'For then,' saith he, 'shall

I be upright, and then I shall be innocent from the

great tranl;lgression,' Psa. xix. 13. By this very word

was I galled and condemned quite through this long temptation.

"That was also another word that did much con­demn me for my folly in the neglect of this duty,-'Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need,' Heb. iv. 16. This I had not done, and therefore was thus suffered to sin and fall, according to what is written, 'Pray that ye enter not into temptation:' and truly this very thing is to th16 day of such weight and awe upon me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my knees unti] I entreat him for help and mercy against the tempta­tions that are to come; and I do beseech thee, reader,

that thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the

afllietions that for this thing I. did for days, and

months, and years, with sorrow undergo.

" And now to show you something of the advantages

that I also have gained by this temptation: and first,

by tllis I was made continually to possess in my soul a very wondel{ul sense both of the blessing and glory of God, and of his beloved Son. In the temptation that went before, my soul was perplexed with unbelief,

blasphemy, and hardness of heart, questions about the

being of God, Christ, the truth of the word, and cer.

tainty of the world to come: I say, then I was greatly

assaulted and tormented with atheism; but now the case was otherwise; now was God and Christ con­

tinually before my face, though not in a way of

comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. The glory of the holiness of God did at this time break me to pieces; and the tenderness and com­

passion of Christ did break me as on the wheel; for I

could not consider him but as a lost and rejected

Christ, the remembrance of which was as the con­tinual breaking of my bones.

"The Scriptures also were wonderful things unto

me: I saw that the truth and verity of them were

the keys of the kingdom .of heaven: those that the Scriptures favour, they must inherit bliss; but those

that they oppose and condemn must perish for ever­

more. Oh! this word, ']'01' the Scriptures cannot be

broken,' would rend the caul of my heart; and so

would that other,-' Whose sins ye remit, they are

remitted; but whose sins ye retain, they are retained.'

X ow I saw the apostles to be the elders of the city of

refuge, Josh. xx. 4. Those that they were to receive

in were received to life, but those that they shut

out were to .be slain by the avenger of blood.